Ellen Downey writes:
I feel I should apologise to everyone who read my last pieces. Apologise for making it sound easy about taking control of this problem. I know it’s not. What’s easy is talking and writing about it when you are on the other side. The good side. Getting there is what’s so hard.
I am on a come down after 6months of an up. It is that time again. Holidays. This summer I have been lucky enough to go travelling with my boyfriend. And now I am back…back into worrying, crying, paranoia and panicking. I am worrying about the future, my friends, my boyfriend. A simple fortnight ago I knew how lucky I was and so grateful for my life, but now I am on my come down, and because of it, all I feel is guilty for these people in my life having to put up with me. Having to reassure me every two minutes and listen to me crying. I am on my come down, where I feel they are better off without me. All I do is cause negativeness and nothing seems to be going right. I think they are all talking about me, probably giving out about how I am moaning again and would I ever just cop on, trying to remind themselves why are they bothering with me at all.
But then I try my hardest to make myself think rationally. It is so hard.
Try to make myself remember four little words: There are no stairs.
I was told a story before to remind me how to think rationally when I am like this. A girl goes into her councillor. Third door on the left on the bottom floor of the clinic. Same room she has always gone into. While in the room she begins to panic, she is being chased, people are sick of her, tired of her and want her gone. She’s panicking and crying and keeps saying to her councillor, they’re chasing me, they want me gone, they chased me from the car, up the stairs and into this room. The councillor listens, doesn’t want to startle her, but finally makes her realise this is not happening. She needs to think rationally. There are no stairs to get to this room. There are no stairs.
I am trying to keep telling myself this as I try to get back up. There are no stairs. I have great things happening in my life, yes I have negatives but so many positives. There are no stairs. I must try to think rationally and remember how much people care about me, people who want to support and help me.
We can get through these moments,days,weeks,months. It is so much easier said than done, I know that, but one simple sentence might help us to start off.
There are no stairs.